Challenge Entry 21: Antitheses
by Zokusho
Summary: The subject for MLSF FanFiction Challenge 21 was: Inverted Characters. So, in this pastiche, mostly based on the first episode of the anime, the characters of Lucky Star have been more or less turned into their opposites. Includes Kurokona!


**Antitheses**

The subject for MLSF **FanFiction Challenge 21** was: Inverted Characters. So, in this pastiche, mostly based on the first episode of the anime, the characters of Lucky Star have been more or less turned into their opposites. Rated T just in case.

EDIT: Thanks to stealthmomo, I fixed a few "Konami" I had written, thinking of my other story.

EDIT: I hereby declare this a Kurokona story! The only real change I had to made is to change her hair length and color. :)

* * *

><p>Tsukasa pressed the button on the stopwatch as Konata reached the finish line – at the last place.<p>

"Better, but not good enough! You are last again! Are you sure you have a balanced diet? And that you exercise regularly? Not only at school?" Tsukasa nagged.

Konata was only trying to get air, leaning onto her knees, and couldn't answer right away. She took her glasses off, wiped sweat off of her brow, and adjusted the headband around her long black hair.

"You can't seriously be tired yet!" Tsukasa continued. "That was only a 200 meters dash. Let's jog a lap or two around the field. Chop-chop!"

"Tsukasa … I can't … I'm going to die …" Konata gasped. "Teacher! … Help!"

Tsukasa slapped Konata on the head. "Go!"

Obediently, and because she knew there would be even more pain if she didn't, Konata started staggering forward again. Tsukasa jogged beside her, yelling encouragement.

Through her watery eyes, Konata could barely see someone still in her sailor uniform, waving at them and yelling, "Go for it!"

"Kagami…" Konata gasped, but she didn't have enough air to plead for help. Strangely Kagami always managed to skip P.E. lesson if she didn't feel like it.

"_Damn it, why are some people so cute that they can get away with anything!"_ Konata groaned in her mind. Despite feeling as if her lungs were about to burst, Konata still had to stare at Kagami. Her silky smooth beautiful lilac twin-tails tied up with pink ribbons. Her big blue eyes, her perfect porcelain white skin, which she carefully shielded from excess sunlight with a handheld pink paper parasol. Unless a tan happened to be fashionable at the time. And how gracefully she carried the sailor outfit. Probably because it wasn't that different from the outfits she normally wore. Just less revealing.

Without Tsukasa, Kagami wouldn't have gotten into this school. That was certain. She was an airhead. Yes, a lovable, adorable, cute, friendly, and warm airhead, but still an airhead.

Apart from that, she was perfect. Though, her otaku hobbies … Konata herself couldn't stand anime or manga. Why do people spend their time with fantasy when science was so exciting?

P.E. was the only subject at school which Konata didn't ace. Unlike Tsukasa. The fearsome, smart, strong, ruthless older twin sister of Kagami. She didn't only get straight A's in P.E., she was great with all the other subjects as well. Konata had to work really hard to keep ahead of her and stay as the primus of 1st-years.

Then there was their fourth friend, Miyuki. Why she was their friend, Konata wasn't quite sure of. She didn't really fit in. A delinquent from an impoverished family. Rude, obnoxious, class clown. Who talked back to teachers and frequently got punished. About the only redeeming quality of hers were the cooking skills. At the moment Miyuki was hiding somewhere? She didn't like this kind of P.E. Had it been dodgeball or something, she'd be here. Or archery or something. She had sharp eyes, to an extend to be nicknamed as Hawkeye.

"Faster! Faster!" Tsukasa yelled into Konata's ear. Deep in thoughts, she had slowed down her pace.

"I'm … really … going … to … die …" Konata gasped weakly.

As she staggered, and then fell onto the lawn beside the tracks, even Tsukasa realized she had truly had had enough.

"Fine. Next time, we'll do two laps!" Tsukasa announced.

Konata couldn't answer. She only tried to gasp for air and to endure the stinging pain in her side.

She felt a soft, cool hand on her forehead. "Gee, sis. You pushed her too hard," she heard Kagami's silky voice. "Are you okay, Kona-chan?"

"No …" she croaked, and fainted.

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

By lunchtime, Konata had recovered enough to be able to walk – when supported by Kagami, whom, she heard, had carried to the Nurse's Office.

Konata tried to protest, because it was embarrassing to have Kagami's arm around her and to be so close to her, especially in front of their classmates.

"You need to regain your energy!" Kagami said. "So I'll let you eat my lunch box today!"

"No, I don't need –"

"Hush!" Kagami interrupted Konata, and patted her back. Konata flinched as she didn't like to be touched. "You are not going to eat that Cal*riemate stuff yet again. You need a proper meal."

"B-but what are you going to eat?" Konata sighed.

"I have a spare choko coronet and some milk, I'll be fine."

Konata was still too weak to argue. She only sighed deeply and surrendered. Besides, Kagami was a great cook, on par with Miyuki, so her lunch box would inevitably taste great.

Kagami helped her onto a chair. Tsukasa had came from her class – she was on a separate class from them – and moved two desks next to each other so the four friends would have lunch together as always.

"Oh, sis, why do you have to be in another class," Kagami sighed, and hugged her sister. "Aren't you feeling lonely all day?"

"No," Tsukasa simply said, not looking the least bit disturbed by the question. "I have friends in my class too, you know."

Kagami wiped a tear off of her cheek, sighed deeply, and finally settled down. She unwrapped a lunch box from a cloth and pushed it to Konata. "Here you are. Eat!" she commanded.

Konata looked at the twin sisters. Tsukasa didn't seem to care either way, and Miyuki was already taking out her own lunch box. Some of Konata's classmates were staring at her, looking jealous. Especially girls. Were they jealous of Kagami or her lunch box?

As the class nerd, she was already unpopular enough. But there wasn't really any way to escape this. So, Konata just sighed deeply and opened the box.

Of course, there was rice topped with pickled plum and sesame seeds, and then, mini-hamburgers, asparagus wrapped in bacon, and five-color salad. The rice was arranged so that it was shaped like some anime character Konata didn't knew. Other than that, it all looked beautiful.

"Itadakimasu …" she sighed, took her chopsticks, and started eating, trying to ignore the stares.

For a while, they ate quietly, until Kagami asked, "Hey guys, from which end do you eat a choko koronet?"

"I haven't thought of that," Konata replied. "But I certainly don't eat it like you do! That's …"

That was something she couldn't even describe. Kagami was eating a choko koronet off of a plate. With a fork and a knife.

"Anyway, you shouldn't be eating choko koronets. They aren't nutritious, and it's not a proper lunch to eat something like that," Konata lectured her.

"Cal*riemates aren't much better. They've got those food additives and who knows what. You all should eat lots of protein!" Tsukasa claimed. Indeed, she was eating lots of protein. Her lunch box mostly consisted of proteins – raw, bloody meat – as usual.

"Those are scientifically designed, nutritious meals!" Konata muttered, looking a bit offended when her Cal*riemates were scolded.

"And they taste like sawdust," Miyuki noted. "We only got rice, eggs, and cabbage at home but I made 'em taste good!"

The others bent over to look at Miyuki's lunch. They had no idea how she had managed to do all that. There were things that looked like sushi rolls, something that resembled fried noodles, and an elaborate rolled omelet. And the rice on the side was cooked to perfection.

"You seem unusually happy today, Yuki-chan," Kagami noted.

"Yeah! I get to skip the rest of the day. Got a dentist's appointment!" Miyuki chirped, grinning from ear to ear.

The other three friends cringed. How can anyone _like_ going to a dentist? That was just too strange. But that's how Miyuki was.

"Ah, this really hit the spot! Do you guys need any sake to wash it down?" Miyuki asked.

"Ssh! I sincerely hope you haven't brought sake to the school," Konata groaned.

"It's just a small bottle. Which I, hm, acquired," Miyuki whispered. "Anyway, it's for trading actually, not for drinking."

Konata didn't want to ask what she was trading it to, and why. The less she knew, the better.

"Miyuki, you could get expelled for stunts like that. You are so stupid sometimes," Tsukasa commented.

"No, no!" Miyuki groaned. "You must hit me when you say something like that! At least slap me on the head. Or use a book, maybe."

Tsukasa sighed. She couldn't understand why Miyuki always asked to be hit. Sometimes it felt as if she was deliberately provoking her friends. Tsukasa pulled a giant paper fan out of her bag and smacked Miyuki on the head. "There."

"Oww!" Miyuki screamed, and rubbed the top of her head, exaggerating quite a bit. "That was great! Where did you get that?"

"Art club people, those weaklings, were selling their paper crafts in the hallway. I got it from them," Tsukasa explained, and proceeded to smack Kagami onto the head.

"Oww! Why did you smack me?" Kagami gasped.

"Because you are lazy, sis."

"But I wasn't doing anything!"

"Exactly. You skipped P.E. and copied my homework."

Konata sighed deeply, and muttered, "Could you three cut it out? Everyone's staring at us and I can't eat when people are watching…"

But as usual, they didn't listen.

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

"Terrible news, sis!" Kagami yelled, and leaped onto her big sister's neck in tears. It was the next day at Ryōō High, and the first recess. Kagami had just rushed into Tsukasa's class.

"What now? Did you break a nail or something?" Tsukasa muttered.

"Sis! How could you say such things –" Kagami stopped for a moment because now she remembered the day before yesterday when she actually _had_ broken a nail and cried on Tsukasa's shoulder. "Anyway, it's about Konata! She couldn't come to school because she's sick!"

"She should have exercised harder. I am never sick, because I exercise," Tsukasa said coldly.

"Waah, sis, you are so mean! Don't you worry about Kona-chan at all? We must go and visit her today after school! I have to cook something for her … and what should I wear? Do I have anything to wear for this kind of an occasion?"

"If she's properly sick, she doesn't care what you are wearing."

"Oh no! Is she going to be okay? Maybe I should stay by her bed and nurse her until she's –" Kagami stopped talking and stared into space.

Tsukasa glared at her sister. She knew that expression. "Don't get any funny ideas in your cute little head. But sure, we can visit her. You need to bring her your notes and whatever homework your class is assigned. Okay?"

"What?" Kagami asked.

"Notes! Homework! To Konata!" Tsukasa yelled, and shook her sister's shoulders a bit.

"Yeah. Right. School stuff," Kagami muttered.

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

After school, they were walking from Hiiragi house to Izumi residence. Kagami was dressed in a full gothloli attire, complete with a lace-rimmed parasol, and hauling a large bag with her. Tsukasa had worn one of her sweatsuits, while Miyuki was still wearing the school uniform – the others suspected she didn't even own any other decent clothes. Besides, Miyuki had not visited her home in between. She lived far, in the poorest and less respectable area of Saitama.

"I'm so worried about Kona-chan. I bet she's all alone at home," Kagami sighed, and elegantly wiped a tear off of the corner of her eye with a frilled handkerchief.

Tsukasa shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, well, her mother works in another town. That's just how it is. And what an admirable mother she is! So strong, and tall, and dignified. And she raised Konata all alone…"

"I still got that bottle of sake. Maybe I should make egg-sake for her?" Miyuki asked.

Tsukasa glared at her under her brow. "No, she's underage and shouldn't drink. Besides, drinking is bad for your health."

"I'll cook for her!" Kagami announced. "My chicken soup cures all sickness."

"Why are you dragging such a huge bag with you if it's only ingredients for chicken soup?" Tsukasa asked.

"You'll see. It's something that will make Kona-chan feel even better!" Kagami chirped.

Tsukasa had an educated guess what it would be, knowing what her sister had in her closet. She was sure it would not "make Konata better," but it wouldn't harm her either. So she decided to let it go, this time.

"I hope you brought all the school notes and homework as well?"

Kagami looked a bit miffed. "Of course I did! What kind of person you think I am?"

"I _know_ you, sis…"

"Bu-but that just gossip! Malicious rumors!" Kagami protested, without even knowing what Tsukasa was referring to.

"That's what _I_ always say to the principal! But still they send me to her office whenever anything happens," Miyuki groaned.

A few minutes, and they were standing at Izumi's door. Tsukasa was already leaning on the doorbell, before Kagami had time to gasp about "not waking Kona-chan up."

"Silly sis, of course we have to ring the doorbell. How would we get in otherwise?"

"I know where they keep the key –" Kagami explained, but then the door opened.

Konata was standing before them. She was leaning onto the doorframe, looking rather pale, having dark bags under her eyes, and shivering with cold in her pajamas.

"Kona-chan!" Kagami cried, and caught Konata onto her arms. She squeezed Konata's face against her bosom and cooed, "Kona-chan, you shouldn't be up at all! Let mama take you back into bed!"

Konata mumbled something they couldn't hear because her face was in Kagami's ample cleavage.

Kagami lifted the petite girl onto her arms, and started carrying her back inside. Konata was too weak to struggle. Besides, a close encounter with Kagami's cleavage would have made any girl weak in her knees.

Kagami carried Konata back to bed, put her under covers, and kissed her forehead. Tsukasa rolled her eyes while she stared at this spectacle. "You're going to catch the same virus or whatever," she muttered.

Ignoring her, Kagami commanded, "And don't get up! I'll come back in a flash."

"I have a bad feeling about this …" Konata muttered.

When she did get back after a few minutes, Tsukasa groaned, "I knew it!"

Kagami was wearing a complete nurse's outfit. Though this was more like a cosplay outfit than a realistic nurse's outfit, which aren't particularly pretty. This one had a white shirt, with more buttons open than is ordinarily considered decent, a white miniskirt, a white cap with a red cross on the forehead, and a stethoscope hanging around her neck.

Konata had to remove her glasses because they were fogging up.

"I'm going to nurse you until you get better! It's Friday today so I can stay here all weekend!" Kagami cooed. "And when you do get better, we can do our homework together!"

"You are only going to copy mine," Konata groaned, and tried to get up. Kagami leaped on her and pushed her back onto the bed. "You are not going anywhere!"

Konata barely managed to put her glasses away before they were crushed. "Tsukasa … help!" Konata gasped weakly.

Tsukasa looked disinterested. "Well, since sis is going to stay here, I'll be going home. Just fight on, Konata. I mean, the flu. That's what I do if I get a bug. I _kill_ any sicknesses who dare to attack me! Have fun, you two. Or three – I think Miyuki is still here somewhere."

"Yeah, I asked her to prepare the soup," Kagami huffed in the middle of the struggle. Currently she was trying to get Konata's pajama shirt off so that she could listen to her chest with the stethoscope she had brought.

For a moment, Tsukasa considered staying for the soup. But that would have interfered with her carefully balanced athletics' diet. "So, goodbye."

"This is not how a visit to a sick person should go!" Konata groaned.

リミタ デリミタ デリミタ

Golden Week. A week-long vacation at the spring. Time for rest and relaxation.

Or that's how it _should_ have been. Konata sighed deeply, and turned a page. They were having a "study group" at their house, as insisted by Kagami. Konata was just finishing the last bits of her homework, like Tsukasa.

But, meanwhile, Kagami and Miyuki were copying hers and Tsukasa's homework.

Of course, Miyuki was a lost case, but Kagami … "Listen, Kagami. I don't mind you copying my homework, but if you don't study, you won't get into a decent college. Or not into college at all," Konata lectured her. She guessed it wouldn't do much good. And she was right.

"There was an anime about a girl who was trying to get into Tokyo Uni!" Kagami chirped.

Konata could only stare at her.

"So I thought, maybe I'd get in as well!"

"That's so completely wrong in all levels…" Konata sighed.

"Yeah, sis. There's no way in hell you would get anywhere _near_ Todai, by any means. Unless they start a cosplay degree program or something," Tsukasa commented, and chuckled a bit.

Kagami pouted her lips, but even she realized she didn't stand a chance. So she shut down for a few minutes.

"It's freezing in here," she finally complained. "Once I'm done, we're going to that public bath nearby!"

"What?" Konata muttered. "No. I finished all my homework, but I need to study and –"

"Nonsense. If you don't take your bath, you'll get sick again or something!"

"No, actually bath is not necessary. Being cold doesn't cause diseases –"

"La, la, la!" Kagami sung, and plugged her ears. "I'm not listening to any facts! My brain is full of knowledge already! If I learn anything more, it will explode! Do you want my brains to explode all around this room, Konata?"

"Eww," was all that Konata could say.

"Actually," Tsukasa said, "I think I'd like a bath. I spent too much time at the gym this morning, and that would relax my muscles."

Konata was feeling cold herself, so she gave up. "All right then … a bath would be nice –"

She had a foreboding feeling about this, but didn't quite yet know why.

リミタ デリミタ デリミタ

And now she realized it. They had walked to the public bath, paid themselves in – with Miyuki buying a bottle of milk with the few coins she had left – and were currently in the changing rooms.

Here, Konata would have to get naked in front of the others. That's what had troubled her: she had never taken a bath with others, except for family members. And she wasn't at all confident about her skinny, flat body. How would Kagami comment…? Kagami, who had such a perfect body. Konata couldn't stop staring at her. The other three were not hesitating a bit to throw off their clothes. Kagami didn't seem to mind anyone watching, Miyuki didn't care whether someone was watching or not, and Tsukasa – Tsukasa was at the mirror, checking out how her muscles were developing. And lecturing the others about proper training or something. It was a subject that went over the heads of all the three others, so they weren't listening.

"Miyuki, you are drinking that now?" Konata asked, trying mostly to divert Kagami's attention at that critical moment when she was taking her bra off.

Indeed, Miyuki was gulping down the milk she had bought. "It does your body good."

"No, it doesn't," Tsukasa noted. "It's mostly unnecessary fats and sugars."

"They say your boobs grow if you drink milk," Miyuki claimed, eyeing Konata. Suddenly everyone was eyeing Konata.

"Why are you all looking at me!" Konata groaned, and covered her chest.

As if by common consent, Tsukasa and Miyuki next turned their eyes to Kagami.

Tsukasa shook her head at Miyuki. "Nope. Sis doesn't drink milk."

Miyuki nodded. "There goes that theory."

"What?" Kagami asked absent-mindedly. She was tying her hair up and didn't even seem to realize they were all staring at her bosom.

"The last one in the water is a rotten egg!" Tsukasa yelled, and dashed off.

"Tsukasa, this is a bath, not a competition …" Konata sighed. "Besides, aren't you washing yourself first?"

"Of course I am!" Tsukasa yelled from the showers. "A strong ice-cold shower makes the bath feel even better!"

Konata's teeth clattered at the mere thought of that.

Finally they all got into the bath. Tsukasa insisted on jumping right in, despite the heat, followed by Miyuki, whom, as usual, seemed to like a feeling of get boiled suddenly. Konata and Kagami had to take their time, both having a delicate skin.

At last, Konata was able to relax a bit. Though she liked her friends a lot, they were a pain, in so many ways. She closed her eyes and leaned back.

Until she heard strange popping sounds, and then, a meaty smell wafting towards her. "Eww, what's the smell!" she groaned, and opened her eyes.

Miyuki was fanning the air with her palm. "Sorry, guys. I think it's the milk."

"Eww!" Kagami yelled, and pinched her nose.

"That's disgusting!" Konata groaned. "Don't fart in the bath!"

Only Tsukasa didn't seem troubled. "Ha. This is nothing compared to Athletic Club's dressing room! But if you do that again, Miyuki, I will smack you."

"Oh? What happens in the dressing room?" Miyuki asked.

"It's not something that happens, but the smell … with everyone's sweaty socks and stuff –"

"Could we please stop talking about this," Konata pleaded. "I'm feeling sick already."

There was a long silence. Slowly, the smell dissipated and they were able to enjoy the bath again. Konata was dozing off, until Kagami asked, "What kind of perfume do you use, Kona-chan?"

"I don't use perfume…" Konata muttered. "I don't know anything about things like that. You always smell nice, though, Kagami. So … uh, feminine."

"Oh, but I don't use a perfume either …" Kagami whispered into her ear.

Konata felt her entire face going bright red, as Kagami giggled at her.

The silence continued again as they relaxed. Finally, just as Konata was about to suggest getting out, the water churned once again, and bubbles popped on the surface next to Miyuki. Konata yelped, and treaded away from her, closely followed by Kagami who didn't like nasty smells any better.

Tsukasa opened her eyes, and reached for something at the edge of the pool. "Damn!"

"What's wrong?"

"My paper fan is all soaked," Tsukasa groaned.

So, in a flash, Miyuki was floating on the water, face down, with a big lump on her head from Tsukasa's fist.

* * *

><p>Tsukasa: smart, strong, harsh, ruthless, good student, definite leader of the group, a terrible cook. <em>Tsukkomi<em>. Actually uses a giant paper fan (_harisen, _ハリセン) to smack others. Member of the Athletics Club.

Konata: _Kurokona_. smart but weak, long black hair, wears glasses, hates anime and games, works really hard at school, primus of 1st class. Bad with household chores. Is gloomy and emo all the time, at least outward. Likes Kagami, but would never admit it willingly.

Miyuki: delinquent, class clown (_boke_), from a poor family, not very smart but streetwise, masochist (up to the point of _liking_ going to a dentist), great cook, and always hungry. Likes games, and is an ace with shoot-em-ups. Also known for her sharp eyesight.

Kagami: average intelligence, lazy and nonathletic, friendly, loving, feminine, cute, even gorgeous, fanatic otaku, loves cosplay up to a point where she wears a lolita outfit on her free time. Great with household chores, as long as she can dress up as a maid and it's not too strenuous. Loves Konata, and doesn't hesitate to show it.


End file.
